Plants and Healers

Until his death, he continued to experience these symptoms on and off to different levels and degrees. Frank also had a history of kidney stones that may have played a role in his declining health. I cannot help but also note it is my memory that a couple months before he went to Australia, he began the first of a series of mercury amalgam removals from his teeth that continued until three weeks before his death. Frank also had (and recovered from) malaria, acquired from his 2003 travels in Africa. When cat scans were taken once he was in the hospital, we learned of infarcts(dead tissue from lack of blood supply)on his brain that were several years old, maybe caused by malaria, maybe not.

Our human bodies are just that, human. We are both fragile and resistant beings at once, and for the eons of human existence our systems have slowly evolved and adapted to a localized ecosystem of water, air and earth. When we leave the place of our origin, it takes generations for our bodies to fully adapt to the new elements around us. Frank was a child and lover of Gaia and I am certain it was his intimate connection to the plants that kept him as vital and strong as he was for as many years as he spanned the globe. Yet all of us are subject to natural law, and Frank's choice to live all over the planet without taking time to slow down and let his body acclimate to the micro-organisms that came to co-exist within him from those travels had a price.

There were so many factors, both known and unknown, that were a part of the picture of Frank's dying- that no one 'thing', one 'diagnosis', killed Frank Cook. Frank was at death's door many times in his life. He had a remarkably risky and incredibly 'stress-full on the body' lifestyle. That is how he did his amazing work, though. I believe his Higher self knew he would die at a young age and he was driven to reach as many people as he could with his message of compassion and daily connection to the earth and that slowing down was not high on his priority list. May no one be afraid of engaging deeply with nature because of what they may think killed Frank. That would contradict his very existence. To thine own heart be true and always keep the faith that your destiny is in the hands of Someone/Something far greater than you.

On Tuesday, August 4th, Frank awoke with a painfully sore throat and a bit of a fever. He had been commenting that his throat was sore for a while, but this day, it hurt him so much he could not swallow easily. He said it felt like ulcers had burst in his throat and asked me to look down it with a flashlight, but there was no visible sign of any sores to my eyes. He was scheduled to teach with Sandor Katz a 'Wild Foods and Fermentation' workshop for the next two days. He felt weak and his throat hurt, but he went ahead the next morning to Ashevillage Institute, in Asheville, NC, to teach with Sandor. He felt so lousy that day and rested when he was not teaching, and he had no desire for food since swallowing was so painful for him. He drank tea and juice and really from that day on I never saw him take in a 'normal' sized meal again.

Frank prepared Sandor that he may not be able to teach the next day. I drove us home, the full moon soon to be rising, and Frank rested and burned a fever while I brought him teas and compresses to ease the discomfort. The next morning he felt a good bit better, and was able to show up for teaching with Sandor. Again, he napped between teachings, and was grumpier than I could recall. Within the past year, Frank would often become easily grumped by this or that, especially to me when we were alone, so unlike the endearing sweetness he poured onto me in the beginnings of our relationship. But the grumpy-ness was not consistent, and it seemed to me to be unrelated to anything I was doing but rather to how he was feeling inside, so that most of the time I was able to not take it personally.

The next day was the Permaculture Gathering in Celo, NC and although Frank still did not feel very good, he had it in him to go. He was scheduled to give a plant walk that morning and what a stellar plant walk it was! He was so tuned in and inspiring! Later he went back to our tent, and napped, and burned fever, and then got it together again to be present for the large gathering. When he was with people, he shined through the pain and discomfort, but then would come back to the tent and sleep and express how tired he felt. A dull headache had begun at the base of his head and also a painful feeling in his left calf had started. He said his vision did not feel as sharp as usual either.

Frank did not believe in standing in lines (herd mentality he called it) and so at the gathering he would wait until everyone had eaten before he would get up and fix himself a plate. Because there were so many more people there than expected, there would hardly be any food left. He would not let me (the line-stander) fix him a plate and as a result he hardly ate all weekend. By Sunday evening when we were headed home from the gathering, he was very weak with hunger. We went to the Laughing Seed and before the food arrived he said he felt like he was going to pass out. I asked him what he wanted me to do if that happened and he said, "Just don't take me to the hospital." He didn't pass out but even in his hunger he ate less than half the proportion he would normally eat.

We had been planning on doing a cleanse starting the next day, on green drinks. We would harvest greens from the garden, yard and or woods, blend them with water and then strain it. But it was apparent that he just needed food at this point more than cleansing, so he decided to just do the green drink for Monday and then begin eating again. I opted to do the drink for five days until noon, then allowing light fruits and veggies until 8pm and elimination of my favorite thing- black tea with half and half. I am so grateful I did this cleanse for I think it carried me through what was coming with so much more strength and vitality.

We spent that entire Monday drinking plants and having long, deep conversations about things that were really important to us as we watched the cucumber vine grow up the screen door. It was such a special day of sharing and loving one another, regardless of what was to come, yet it turned out to be the last normal day that Frank ever lived.

On Tuesday morning, he did not want to get out of bed, and his head had begun to ache more and his calf was red, swollen and painful to even the slightest touch. His left arm was experiencing odd sensations, waves of tingling and numbness, that occurred every 10 minutes or so. I made him some oatmeal of which he ate half a bowl. We had an invitation to a birthday party for that afternoon and I encouraged him to just rest but he insisted we go. He was limping by now, the calf being too painful to put any pressure on it, so I supported him as he hobbled into the party. I think it was very important to him to be surrounded by chosen family, and that even though he had very little energy, the love of his friends was such good medicine he wanted to make the extra effort to be there.

He was scheduled to call in that night at 11:11pm for a radio talk show with our friend Jerry in Taos, New Mexico, and speak about emerging planetary medicine. I sat up with him, keeping him alert and ready for the call. He was so exhausted. He made it through the show with such grace but it was so much work for him. Within half an hour after that began his piercing headaches and little rest came for either of us. He sweated, tossed and turned all night, and began to have a smell to him that was not good. One of the things about Frank was that he always smelled so good to me, like fresh air. This smell concerned me greatly. On Wednesday morning he had even less energy. I encouraged him to come lay in the sunshine for a bit, which he did, and made whatever food he requested but he would only eat the smallest portions of it. He was scheduled to teach male herbal health and the urinary tract that night at Appalachian School of Holistic Herbalism. He felt absolutely terrible but would not cancel. I asked him, "When do you say you cannot do it, Frank?" He answered, "When I cannot do it, Mary."

On the way home from this last teaching, a huge owl flew in front of us down in the mountain pass on the way into Madison county. In bed that night his heart was beating so rapidly all night long, his head ached and he burned fever, also he had a lot of upper GI tract gas. I tried to get him to take some aspirin but he would have nothing to do with it. I had harvested witch hazel and black birch and with a fresh turmeric root from a friend, I had made a strong decoction two days before and was applying that regularly to his calf and he would drink some of it. I also harvested willow bark, made a strong tea, and he would sip this and I would soak a rag in it and apply that to his forehead or the back of his neck. These things brought temporary relief, but the pain returned inevitably each time. I had him soak his feet in rosemary-willow tea and rubbed them with rosemary oil. He took many hot showers. I did lying on of hands, singing, praying, everything I knew how to do that had always brought relief in the past but nothing seemed to last for long in its help.

All that night I lie awake with him and his suffering and kept my hand on his heart praying for reprieve. We did not sleep. On Thursday morning he began screaming, "My arm, my arm!!!" and his left arm was outstretched and I just held it and rubbed it and breathed, toned with it and him for several minutes just holding him while the excruciating pain moved through his arm. Then it was gone and he felt so much relief, even enough that his head stopped aching for a bit and his spirits lifted and he said something about transforming from the old into the new and that he was getting better now and asked for some more oatmeal.

Yet when the oatmeal came, he just wanted fruit, very specifically peaches and melon, so I went to the store to get these. He was trying to eat during those last few days but it was such little portions he took in. I asked him to please let me call some of our healer friends to come and help and he was fierce when he told me absolutely not, that he was improving and he just wanted to rest here and we could handle it ourselves. The headaches returned later in the day, never to leave again.

He was so irritated and grumpy about everything and then he would become blissfully loving. He told me to keep up with my own schedule/life yet he would call on me for help or my presence every five minutes, I could not do anything I had planned. Plus, I did not want to. All I could think of was getting him better, how to soothe him and be there. In retrospect, on a deeper level, I knew he was dying and I believe he did, too. At one point I went into the other room and began sobbing, trying to not let him hear me, but he did. He asked, "Why are you crying, Mary?" and I told him that I was concerned he was leaving and he said so gruffly, "Well that is your trip, you do not need to worry about me." And it was true, it was my trip. He was at peace, in spite of the pain, with what was happening.

We slept very little Thursday or Friday night, and Frank lay in bed or on the sofa all day long. He would not even come outside for sunshine. I began begging to him to let me call for help. I wanted to call his mom so badly and just let her know what was going on but he said I would be disrespecting him if I did that and that she would just tell him to rest which was what he was already doing. He finally agreed to my calling this one homeopath who lives in Spring Creek. Before I called her, I had a solid hunch she would be out of town. Sure enough, her message said she would be gone until August 19th, which was the day he passed. I went to tell him but he said first, "She is out of town until next week, isn't she?" We both asked what was the meaning of all this. I asked if I could take him to the acupuncture clinic. No way, he wouldn't hear of it. Finally he let me call our dear friend Turtle, although he made it clear to me that Turtle was coming over for me and he did not want to have anything to do with it.

Turtle came over Saturday night and I was so grateful for another perspective, a shoulder to cry on. He went home and shared with his beloved Julie, an acupuncturist healer and dear friend of ours, and she called at 2:48am that morning, I remember it clearly. I could not sleep and it did not even seem odd that the phone was ringing in the middle of the night. Turtle had told her what was going on and she was very concerned. They agreed to come over early the next morning. I did not let Frank know until they were almost here, and he was so pissed at me. He said it was unnecessary, why couldn't I just let him rest and get better here by ourselves? I told him I was sorry but I had to do this. Then Julie and I called in Juliet, our dear friend and herbalist healer, and I had to accept the anger he expressed at me for calling out to another person without his approval.

It was such an inner struggle for me, having so much respect for Frank and his wishes yet coming to the realization that if Frank died in my arms with no one around, the guilt I would carry with that would haunt me for the rest of my life. It was not up to us anymore to make decisions- the larger family must have a say.

Julie and Juliet did intakes with Frank and he cooperated for the most part. Juliet concluded that we must take him to the emergency room. I had a Plant Spirit Yoga workshop I was scheduled to teach that afternoon with Sierra Hollister and had called on our friend Lydijah to come and stay home with Frank while I would be teaching. Frank was adamant that I not miss teaching my workshop on account of him. But when Juliet said clearly we needed to go to the ER, I called Sierra at the last minute to cancel, and graciously she took over all those details. Frank agreed to go to the ER and Julie, Juliet, Turtle, Frank and I sat on the bed, smudged ourselves with sage and prayed for the Most High to guide our way before leaving the land.

When we got to the hospital, Frank at first would not get out and said he did not agree to come here. He had been having bouts of forgetting what had been said or had happened, and minor hallucinations. It took a few of us to get him out of the car, reminding him he had agreed to come.

We wanted to do a blood test mainly, so that we could understand what was going on and with that knowing, treat it with holistic medicine. The only thing Frank would consent to was an ultrasound on his calf. I held his hand while he received it, as he was in a semi-conscious state of bliss, and when it was over he did not even know it had happened. Yet then he would be so sharp. "You're on in 55 minutes, Mary," Frank said as I wheeled him into another room in the ER, referring to my workshop I was supposed to be teaching. "I cancelled the workshop, baby," I told him. "Now why did you do that?" Even in dire straits, Frank's attitude was that the work of the green path must go on.

As we waited for the results he kept saying it was time to go home, let's leave this place, we are done here, etc... I told him we needed to just get the results back first. The ultrasound showed a leg mass which could be a tumor or an abscess, and that an MRI would be needed to further diagnose. Frank insisted on discharging himself now and we honored that. What more could we do? His student and dear friend and Ayurvedic doctor Joseph and his wife Rose and their little girl had arrived earlier at the ER to offer support. They brought wonderfully balancing food and thankfully took the initiative to call Frank's mom and let her know what was going on. Joseph handed the phone to Frank, and strong-willed Frankie said to his mom he was alright and improving and he would call her from the landline when he got home.

We all decided that Frank should stay closer to the hospital, since I lived 40 minutes away. So I drove toward Julie's downtown house and Frank said, "This isn't the way home, where are we going?" I told him what we had decided. Again, I experienced the irritation Frank had at his will being set aside. He told me he was going home and I could stay in town if I wanted to. So I took him back out to the house, and remember the feeling of complete despair when we got there, like everything we had just done to try and help had been to no avail and now Frank felt dishonored and weakened even more by the whole experience. It was a horrible thing to sit with.

He immediately requested pesto pasta, with buckwheat noodles. I told him I only had wheat or rice noodles and he said,"I am not too fond of either," but that he would try wheat. My sweet beloved man, stubborn, detailed and clear on his needs and wants amid all the suffering. Word had gotten out now on Frank's condition and my phone was ringing off the hook. I could not keep up with it and give him the care he needed both at once, so many of the calls just went unanswered. I saw that his old friend and chosen brother Paul had called and was on his way to be with us. I felt so glad to know this strong ally would be arriving that night, and that his mom, Kaye, and brother, Kenny, were coming in the next day.

Frank only ate a few bites of the pasta. His head pain was just too overbearing for him to eat or sleep much at all. I sang and prayed with him for several hours and then exhaustion overtook me and I fell asleep about half an hour before Paul arrived around 1am. Frank tried to greet Paul as if everything were fine, but he did not have it in him.

When his family arrived the next day, Monday the 17th, they were able to get him to go to the hospital again. This time upon arrival to the ER, I think Frank had surrendered to us to guide him in what to do next. He accepted the tests as gently and appreciatively as he could, and I could see this great peace in him in being surrounded by so many people who loved him so much.

He had a cat scan which came back showing ring enhanced lesions all over his brain. This was the cause of his calf swelling, arm aching and horrible headaches. It was putting pressures on the left side of his vital organs and tissues that kept them from functioning properly. It was a serious matter but Frank seemed undaunted by it. "Alright, can we go home now?" How could we take him home at this point? We had entered into the world of western medicine and learned that what was happening to Frank was far bigger than we had any idea, that the situation was desperate. It seemed if we went home, he would surely die, and in great pain. If we stayed in the hospital, we thought there might be a chance of saving his life and relieving the pain. We loved him so much, valued his life so dearly, that we admitted him, with his consent, into a room in St. Joseph's Hospital, with prayers and hopes of healing, of getting through this intense time before us all.

Frank was a solid, brave man, and he had very little fears. I think the fear of being subjected to Western Medicine was one of his few, and the greatest. Like the Buddha, Frank was born with webbed fingers, a condition called syndactyly. He had a series of operations from early childhood into adolescence to bring agility into his hands. In our last year together, we had many healing sessions with him going back to those surgeries and moving through the subconscious fears that being on the operation table had left him. I believe that the route taken in his death of surrendering to the hospital care enabled him to come to a significant clearing of this fear in his life, that it was divinely laid out and has sent him forth into the Heavens with far less karma than he would have taken with him otherwise.

The hospital staff could not have been more respectful and accommodating to Frank and his loved ones. We were so blessed. He knew his plants right up to the very end, and kept passing on his gifts, through words and gestures, until deep sleep came to him hours before his heart and breath pulsed no more. He flew away early morning of August 19th, 2009, to reunite with his Creator.

The synergy that brought together the 4-day gathering and beautiful memorial service affirmed Frank's eternal strength and grace, as I felt him orchestrating it with his angels from the heavenly realms. The radiant and beaming joy Frank would have felt in seeing us all circle Peace Eagle Pond, singing blessings for his journey and for those of us who remain on this beloved Gaia, was known and felt in all of us present. In Frank's crossing, all the seeds he was planting all over the world became potentized. He can now move through us all at once, and be a guardian angel into the prophesized times coming..

For me, I call upon that strength and grace to go on, to let go, to accept and have undying Faith in the Almighty. I am so humbled and so grateful for the gifts of love that Frank shared with me, and I will keep them alive through my works ahead.

Aho.